The death of pet can hurt as much as the loss of a relative

http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/the-death-of-pet-can-hurt-as-much-as-the-loss-of-a-relative/2012/02/21/gIQALXTXcS_story.html?hpid=z6

How I Am Doing

Grief is like the ocean;
it comes on waves ebbing and flowing.
Sometimes the water is calm,
and sometimes it is overwhelming.
All we can do is learn to swim.

-- Vicki Harrison

Creation

When God had made the earth and sky,
the flowers and the trees,
He then made all the animals,
the fish, the birds, and bees.
And when at last He'd finished,
not one was quite the same.
He said, "I'll walk this world of mine
and give each one a name."
And so He traveled far and wide,
and everywhere He went,
a little creature followed Him
until its strength was spent.
When all were named upon the Earth
and in the sky and sea,
the little creature said, "Dear Lord,
there's no name left for me."
Kindly the Father said to him,
"I've left you to the end.
I've turned my own name back to front
and called you DOG, my friend".
         
— Author Unknown

A Prayer for Pinuki

You were my good friend. We never had a single conversation, but we understood each other. I still keep thinking you’ll be there waiting for me when I open the door. The house is empty without you. I miss you more than others could ever understand.

I thank you for being my companion in times of joy, and my comfort in times of pain. I was fortunate to have you in my life and I know your life with me was a happy one.

I will remember you with joy and a smile. May God bless you. Amen.

A Prayer for When a Beloved Pet Dies
by Naomi Levy

Blessings

People are having profound spiritual experiences with animals.
They are learning about God's ways by observing the animals
who bless their lives and share their homes.
The Divine is working through animals as vehicles
to bring more love, wisdom, courage, and comfort into the world.
Animals are good for human health -- physically, mentally, and emotionally . . .
animals are also good for our spiritual health.

-- Allen and Linda Anderson, in
God's Messengers: What Animals Teach Us about the Divine
www.angelanimals.net
angelanimals@angelanimals.net

Dogs in Our Lives

We aren't house-proud. If we were,
we wouldn't abide the scratches on the door-frame,
the holes in the screen,
the darkened shine of worn spots on the chair.
We would wince at the mottled carpet
and fret at the hair clinging to our clothes.
We don't.
If anything, we lovers of dogs are a tolerant lot,
finding greater value in the unabashed affection of our friend
than immaculate sofas.  Shoes can be replaced,
but heroic retrievers are timeless.
Without dogs, our homes are cold receptacles for things.
Dogs make a fire warmer with their curled presence.
They wake us, greet us, protect us,
and ultimately carve a place in our hearts and in our history.
On reflection, our lives are often referenced in parts
defined by the all-too-short lives of our dogs.

-- Paul Fersen

OMG Kind of Gratitude

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=gXDMoiEkyuQ&vq=medium

Love Survives

There is a land of the living
and a land of the dead
and the bridge is love ~
the only survival, the only meaning.

-- Thornton Wilder

Souls

If having a soul
means being able to feel
love and loyalty and gratitude,
then animals are better off
than a lot of humans.

-- James Herriot

Gifts

They come to us,
from shelters or friends or in any number of ways,
these beings of fur or feather or other outer shells.
They come to us wanting only
to be fed, sheltered, and loved.
And we take them into our homes and our hearts.
They may have prized pedigrees,
or they may be abandoned or abused
and rough around the edges.
But there is something about them,
some sort of light in their eyes
that tells us they are meant for us.
And a sweet dance of love
begins with our new friends.
We watch them delightedly discover their new home,
laugh at the antics of kitten or puppy,
smile as the former lost soul
settles comfortably into our arms.
They become a beloved member of our family,
a reminder of the uninhibited joy
that we have often forgotten how to feel.
The dog that excitedly runs
to greet his human friend returning home,
or the contented cat curled up on a lap
remind us of how large
unfettered love can be.
They come to teach us to remember how to love.
They come to teach us that our hearts,
so often battered by this world that we struggle through,
are still open enough to feel wonder and mystery
and a precious connection to another being.
And we love them, and care for them,
and experience the joy
we thought was lost from our lives.
But life is fragile.
One day, perhaps unexpectedly,
or perhaps after a long struggle with illness,
our precious friends are gone.
And we mourn them deeply.
We feel lost, and alone,
and that the joy is once again gone from our lives.
We feel anger, and pain, and fear.
We question Deity, and wonder why.
Life is fragile.
Their lives are more fragile than ours.
We cannot escape death,
and for it to take our most precious friends,
who ask so little,
seems unfair and too much for us to bear.
But they leave us always with a gift.
They leave us with that love they gave, that joy they sparked.
Our hearts are larger for having loved them.
We are enriched by having these special souls in our lives,
even if it was for too brief a time.
Love never dies.
And the love that was created
by our special friends who came into our lives
is a living thing,
always a part of our being.
We may think our hearts are closing again,
but we cannot erase the fact
that they have been opened.
They teach us love for a reason:
so that we will have it in our hearts always.
Each day, each act of kindness or love,
is a tribute to our furbabies who have moved on.
Honor your special friend with kindness and love.
Each day, reach out to your living furbabies
and let them know how precious they are.
Reach out to others in your life
and let the love your friend brought you live on.
Reach out to others in need, whether human or animal.
I can think of no better gift than the love they teach us.
And I can think of no better way to honor their memories
than by extending that love.
In this way, they will truly live forever.

by Ginger-lyn Summer
20 September 2000
Reprinted with Permission of the Author
http://www.angelfire.com/folk/glsummer

If . . .

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can get going without pep pills,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining

and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day

and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones

are too busy to give you any time,

If you can overlook it

when those who love you take it out on you

when something goes wrong through no fault of yours,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentments,

If you can ignore a friend’s limited education 

and never correct him,

If you can resist treating a rich friend

better than a poor friend,

If you can face the world without lies and deceit,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

If you can say honestly

that deep in your heart you have no prejudice

against creed, color, religion or politics,

Then, my friend,

you are almost as good

as your Dog.

— Author Unknown

An Old Man and His Dog

An old man and his dog were walking down a dirt road with fences on both sides.  They came to a gate in the fence and looked in.  It was nice, with grassy, woodsy areas — just what a hunting dog and man would like — but it had a big sign saying No Trespassing, so they walked on.

They came to a beautiful gate with a person in white robes standing there. 

“Welcome to Heaven,” the robed man said.  The old man was happy and started in with his dog following him.

The gatekeeper stopped him. 

“Dogs aren’t allowed.  I’m sorry, but he can’t come with  you.”

“What kind of Heaven won’t allow dogs?” the old man said.  “If he can’t come in, then I will stay out here with him.  He’s been my faithful companion all his life.  I can’t desert him now.”

“Suit yourself,” the gatekeeper said.  “But I have to warn you, the Devil’s on this road and he’ll try to sweet talk you into his area.  He’ll promise you anything, but the dog can’t go there either.  If you won’t leave the dog, you’ll spend Eternity on this road.”

So the old man and his dog went on.  They came to a rundown fence with a gap in it — no gate, just a hole.  Another old man was inside. 

“Excuse me, sir.  My dog and I are getting mighty tired.  Mind if we come in and sit in the shade for a while?”

“Come on in,” the man said.  “There’s some cold water under that tree over there.  Make yourselves comfortable.”

“You’re sure my dog can come in?  The man down the road said dogs weren’t allowed anywhere.”

“Would you come in if you had to leave the dog?”

“No, sir.  That’s why I didn’t go to Heaven.  He said the dog couldn’t come in.  We’ll be spending Eternity on this road, and a glass of cold water and some shade would be mighty fine right about now.  But I won’t come in if my buddy here can’t come too, and that’s final.”

The man smiled a big smile and said, “Welcome to Heaven.”

“You mean this is Heaven?  Dogs are allowed?  How come that fellow down the road said they weren’t?” 

"That was the Devil, and he gets all the people who are willing to give up a lifelong companion for a comfortable place to stay.  They soon find out their mistake, but then it’s too late.  The dogs come here, the fickle people stay there.  God wouldn’t allow dogs to be banned from Heaven.  After all, He created them to be man’s companions in life.  Why would He separate them in death?”

—Found on the Internet by Carroll Brown;  Reprinted in APLB Newsletter, Spring 1999

Where to Bury a Dog

There are various places in which a dog may be buried. We are thinking now of a Setter, whose coat was flame in the sunshine, and who, so far as we are aware, never entertained a mean or an unworthy thought.

This Setter is buried beneath a cherry tree, under four feet of garden loam, and at its proper season the cherry tree strews petals on the green lawn of his grave.

Beneath a cherry tree, or an apple, or any flowering shrub is an excellent place to bury a good dog. Beneath such trees, such shrubs, he slept in the drowsy summer, or gnawed at a flavorful bone, or lifted his head to challenge some strange intruder. These are good places, in life or in death.

Yet it is a small matter. For if the dog be well remembered, if sometimes he leaps through your dreams as actual as in life, eyes kindling, laughing, begging, it matters not at all where the dog sleeps. On a hill where the wind is unrebuked, and the trees are roaring, or beside a stream he knew in puppyhood, or somewhere in the flatness of a pasture land where most exhilarating cattle graze. It is all one to you, and nothing is gained, and nothing lost — if memory lives. But there is one best place to bury a dog.

If you will bury him in this spot, he will come to you when you call — come to you over the grim, dim frontiers of death, and down the well-remembered path, and to your side again. And though you call a dozen living dogs to heel, they shall not growl at him nor resent his coming, for he belongs there. People may scoff at you, who see no lightest blade of grass bent by his footfall, who hear no whimper, who may never really have had a dog. Smile at them, for you shall know something that is hidden from them, and which is well worth the knowing.

The one best place to bury a dog is in the heart of his master. 

— From a Portland Oregonian editorial by Den Iiur Lampanon, in response to a subscriber’s Letter to the Editor asking, “Where shall I bury my dog?”

I Won't Apologize For Grieving

By Bob Deits, in Life After Loss: A Practical Guide to Renewing Your Life After Experiencing Major Loss

. . . In one winter two disastrous events happened at the same time, each of which made an impact on my life.   First, a number of men were killed in a mining accident . . . The other tragic event was having our 15-year-old cat ‘put to sleep.’  Can you guess which of those events caused me to cry my eyes out?  You guessed it — the cat! 
 

There is scarcely any comparison between the loss of human life and the end of a semi-crippled old cat.  But Samantha was my cat.  I loved her.  She was a permanent part of our history.  Her loss was not an academic thing.  I didn’t look at television or newspaper accounts of her death and say, “That’s too bad!” and go on to the sports page.  She was mine.  Her loss plunged me into grief . . . This was my loss and at that moment, as far as I was concerned, it was the worst thing to happen in the whole world.  I didn’t want anyone to tell me how great it was that she didn’t suffer, or how far beyond a normal life expectancy she had lived.  
 

I wasn’t very objective about the loss of Samantha as compared to the mining disaster, or the loss of my parents some years earlier or the starving masses in the Third World.  Grief is like that.  It isn’t helped by saying, “How childishly you are behaving over a cat!” 
 

I have known deeper times of grief . . . I have held the hands of friends as they died, baptized stillborn infants, helped families decide when to disconnect life-support systems and worked with parents whose children were murdered. 
 

Each of those experiences was painful.  Nevertheless, at the moment my cat died, her loss was the very worst kind of grief for me in the whole world . . . 
 

Never apologize for grieving.  Remind yourself as often as needed that the very worst kind of loss is always yours.  Learn to acknowledge that your loss is worthy of grief . . .

A Loss So Great

Animals serve as conduits for people
to fulfill their primal need for connection to nature.
The animals in a home may be a person’s only
and deepest source of unconditional love.
Millions of people need this kind of love –
love without judgment, artifice, or stinginess –
in a universe of emotional and spiritual isolation.
Animals bridge the gap between our hearts and minds.
As became apparent after Hurricane Katrina and other disasters,
many people will die rather than lose a relationship
for which there is no human substitute.

– Allen & Linda Anderson, in
Rescued: Saving Animals from Disaster
www.angelanimals.net
angelanimals@angelanimals.net

Our Journey

Pinuki, thank you for our Journey. http://www.kentcreativeweb.com/journey.html

Pinuki, My Angel, We Have A Secret

We have a secret, you and I,
That no one else shall know,
For who but I can see you lie,
Each night, in fireglow?
And who but I can reach my hand
Before we go to bed,
And feel the living warmth of you
And touch your silken head?
And only I walk woodland paths,
And see, ahead of me,
Your small form racing with the
wind,
So young again, and free.
And only I can see you swim
In every brook I pass...
And, when I call, no one but I
Can see the bending grass.

~ Author Unknown ~

My Puppy Is With God

Just after 6AM this morning, wrapped in a warm blanket - and endless love and gratitude - as Kalu and I laid beside her, Pinuki took her last breath...and a piece of my heart that became hers the moment I saw her.

How Much Crazier

...can a person go? Both dogs have diarrhea, in and out of the house. Kalu is vomiting in and out of the house. Kalu will not eat (which is fine). Nuki will eat some but not what I need her to eat to feel better and hopefully stop the diarrhea. After a three hour bleed yesterday, her gums are nearly white and I keep thinking I should get her another transfusion (like I am the Sultan of Dubai - assuming there is one). She is getting weaker. The transfusions are "bandaids" and ultimately will no longer work. She is giving me a hard time about taking her medications and I yelled at her. I hate myself. She is such a sweet dog and deserves better. I am scared, confused, frazzled and now ashamed. My head is spinning and I do not want to make any more decisions about this or anything else. I have been living off of sugar and other crappy carbohydrates because I cannot leave my home for too long and 7-Eleven is limited in nutritional foods. Whine, whine whine...Are there people who adopt dogs under these circumstances. Meaning, someone(s) who can be home with Pinuki, tend to her, and transfuse her as long as she can accept the transfusions? Someone(s) who can handle the bleeding? Every time I attempt to leave the house I literally have to ward off a panic attack. Lots of deep breathing is required.

Friends and Family

Isn't it amazing who shows up when you are really in need and who doesn't? It is at once an awesome reminder of all that is good in people and a  humbling reminder of how one's expectations of others can cause such disappointment and distress. It is best to let go and let the universe send what you need. For it does, and it is always better than expected. Thanks to all of you who have been there. You are my friends and family.

Truly Tragic

Pinuki went for her embolization follow-up appointment on Friday. As soon as Dr. Stoneham updates the discharge summary, I will provide more details. But bottom-line, Nuki is recovering. Each day she is getting stronger, her overall health status is good, and she is her precious, marvelous self (except she has a new sense of entitlement that makes her think she can sit in my chair). However, sadly, Pinuki continues to bleed. She is not terminally ill. She has a chronic health condition with only one symptom - the epistaxis - that has been, and continues to be life threatening. If she bleeds out again, we can treat the blood loss with additional transfusions (which I cannot afford - I am beyond seriously in debt) or she will need to be euthanized. I am focusing on every minute we have left.

White Blaze or Muzzle Band

What do you call that white marking down the nose of Berners? What ever it is, I noticed, Nuki's is now crooked. Must be the result of the rhinotomy. Interesting...At least I think it is crooked. I have got to get a life!

Maybe I Am Hystrionic

Yesterday I decided to start giving Pinuki the Natural Hydrocortisone again. This was my own decision, but since I was reading about palliative/hospice care, I figured it could not hurt. This morning Nuki let me give her Prilosec and Yunnan Baiyao. She wanted breakfast for the first time in over a week. Not only did she want breakfast, she ate a greater than normal serving of one of her normal raw foods, and dried apricots for dessert. [Just now I had to take a break from writing this post because she was "demanding" a massage]. Despite the challenges feeding her over the last few days, it appears she has gained weight. Her gums are pink and her stools are normal (no obvious evidence of internal bleeding or swallowing of a lot of blood). She is experiencing stridor which clearly is causing discomfort. Her nose is clogged with gunk including blood. She is "self-treating" by positioning herself in front of the humidifier several times a day. Intermittently, blood drips - almost like a drool - primarily from her left nostril and most notably in the morning and early evening. Ever since the rhinotomy, she smells "sick." Today she is much more interested in the goings on of life. She is looking out the windows and perks up when her friends pass by. She is even looking at me with less disdain.

We have a follow-up appointment with Drs. Stoneham and Saylor on Friday. Besides learning about her current health status, I am looking to find out about comfort and pain management. 

No More

...Berners. Pinuki is my first. She will be my last.

Poor Pinuki

On Tuesday, January 10, Pinuki began bleeding from her left nostril and continued for over twelve hours. Wednesday I brought her to emergency prepared to euthanized her. After examining her, her Emergency vet said no one would blame me if I put her down, but she could not recommend it. Instead, she referred me to Dr. Chick Weisse at the Animal Medical Center in New York City. We went immediately to the Center [a four and a half hour trip arriving at midnight], and on Thursday, Nuki had a fifth blood transfusion and an embolization procedure http://www.amcny.org/node/343#Hemorrhage For the first time since March 3, 2011 when the bleeding began, I am having regrets about the decision to treat her. And, I  - don't even know how to say it...I am envisioning my life without Pinuki...and starting to say goodbye.

The Bleeding - From Dr. Saylor

I would prefer that there was no arterial blood but if you are seeing it mixed with mucus she probably has a mild form of atrophic rhinitis. This is not uncommon following rhinotomy or any significant loss of turbinate tissue. It is generally very responsive to Doxycycline, 5mg/Kg q 12 hours. Everything is very encouraging.

Best regards,

Dave Saylor

The New Year

I apologize for the delay in posting an update. These last few weeks have been hellacious at work. Ever since the Penn State child sex abuse scandal broke, calls to the Child Protective Services hotline have increased and we are short staffed. It is stressful and I reached my stress threshold months ago. And, as blessed as we have been through all this - it is incredibly challenging living with financial stressors (as many of you know).

It has been nearly eleven months since we discovered the lipoma on Nuki's neck; ten since the epistaxis was first noted. Today, overall, Pinuki is doing great. Externally, she is healing beautifully. Here you can see a slide show of how she has progressed https://picasaweb.google.com/102756076755266210672/PinukiAfterRhinotomy?authkey=Gv1sRgCJe0ns2xuNbisAE The last picture in the series was taken over a week ago. She looks even better now. One cannot even tell she had surgery.

There are signs Pinuki is healing "internally" as well. Her appetite is excellent. She is eating and drinking as she should. Her energy level is also good. Her stools are formed, less soft and lighter in color. I wanted to see if one of the iron supplements was causing the dark colored stools so I reduced it from 60mg a day to 12mg. It appears the supplement was causing the darker stools and other gastric issues. Pinuki's gums are significantly pinker. So, it appears Pinuki is not bleeding internally (or if so, not significantly)!

There is bright red blood in Pinuki's left nostril, primarily in the morning. That is when she also sounds congested. She has not had a nosebleed per se, but I have wiped wet and dried blood from in and around her left nostril. She has also sneezed blood colored mucous. Of course, my hope was the rhinotomy would have resolved the epistaxis completely, but I am incredibly grateful for the last couple of "healthy" weeks. I also remain cautiously optimistic about Pinuki's future. She clearly is not done living and, as crazy as it may sound, she expresses her gratitude daily for the chance to continue on (maybe not such a crazy notion to those of you with dog friends). Pinuki truly is a precious soul.

Right now, I am trying to address what I hope is dry skin and not fleas. The dogs have been scratching and chewing themselves like crazy. I have not seen any fleas. I am using a humidifier in hopes that will bring some relief, but all of us continue to itch. I am not giving Pinuki fish oil because it is a blood thinner. I am also not bathing her because I do not want to risk a nosebleed. I am giving her coconut oil. I have not been able to afford to replace my heatpump (thank God for the "warm" weather). For some reason, I thought the lack of heat would mean better air quality. But truthfully, I am too stressed and don't know what to think anymore...about anything.

Currently, Pinuki is getting the following foods and supplements:

1. Blood and Energy Support http://www.onlynaturalpet.com/products/Genesis-Resources-Blood-Energy-Support/152001.aspx I chose this as recommended here: http://viim.org/anemia.php
2. Iron Supplement: Proferrin ES http://www.proferrin.com/proferrin-es.php
3. For immune support (also related to allergies): ModucareVET http://www.thorne.com/Products/VeterinaryProducts/prd~VSP633.jsp I chose this as recommended here: http://viim.org/rhinitis-sinusitis.php
4. For recovery from surgery, gastric upset: L-Glutamine http://www.wellvet.com/glutamine.html  [until the bottle is finished]
5. To support adrenal function (effects of steriod): Drenamin http://www.standardprocess.com/display/StandardProcessCatalog.spi?ID=62 [until the bottle is finished]
6. Allergy relief: raw honey http://www.whole-dog-journal.com/issues/10_9/features/Bee-Honey-Products-Help-Canines_15967-1.html
7. Coconut oil
8. ProBi http://www.kvsupply.com/KVVet/productr.asp?pf_id=40221&0=dept.asp%2Cdept_id%3D9000%26Tree%3D%2CCompleteCatalog&1=dept.asp%2Cdept_id%3D40000%26Tree%3D%2CEquine&2=dept.asp%2Cdept_id%3D41800%26Tree%3D%2CMedications+%26+Remedies&3=dept.asp%2Cdept_id%3D41802%26Tree%3D%2CAntibiotics+%2f+Anti-Microbial&refcode=PRCGRAB&URLCheck=1
9. Cold and blood tonic raw foods http://www.acreaturecomfort.com/yinyanbalance.htm

At this point, Dr. Saylor is not concerned about the blood since all other signs are positive. I will post again soon.

Oh, and Happy New Year to all!